Confession

Time to be honest with myself. 

I've been stuck, and it's nobody's fault but my own. Yes - the last 5-10 lbs probably are the most stubborn....but my daily chocolate habit (and i'm not just talking one piece) certainly does not help. Neither does drinking wine or beer several nights a week. Or eating a bunch of junk before I go to bed. I am practically drooling just thinking about it. It's my inner fattie, she will always be with me.

I don't know what happened. Maybe I got comfortable with where I'm at? Or maybe it's just been nice to be enjoying myself yet still finding that I am pretty much maintaining my weight (I admit I haven't weighed in for a long time, but my clothes, including my size 6 items, still fit). I know I certainly take pride in not just my weight loss, but my overall health and fitness. In fact, I'd much rather weigh 10 lbs more but be strong and fit, than to be 10 lbs less but be weak and tired all the time. If I had to choose between being able to run 13 miles or being 10 lbs lighter, I'd choose running every time. 

Anyhow. So I'm happy with my fitness. Not that I don't strive for more (i do and i will), but I'm happy. Maybe I started concentrating on that more while forgetting about actual weight. I think that is a GOOD thing. I want to continue a focus on fitness. But truth be told, I'm starting to get the itch to "finish what I started". Why did I initially start this blog? Because I was ready to finally lose the weight. That was 2.5 years ago now and every failure and success and bump in the road is here for the world to see. And I've lost weight - but I'm not quite done. It's time to get there, and hopefully I can do that while also keeping up with my newfound overall fitness.  Then will begin a new journey, which is lifetime maintenance!

So what am I going to do in order to get back in action? 

First thing is first - no more daily chocolate/candy binges. I've cut myself off, until I can find a base line again and manage to eat ONE piece on occasion without going into a feeding frenzy that would make a shark jealous. 

Second - No more glass of wine nearly every night, instead I will reserve that for weekends only, or budget into my calories on certain days, for example when I've burned a lot at the gym or whatever. Beer (I'm a sucker for ciders) is way heavier, and I'm not going to be buying it for myself anymore except for specific occasions (like friends from out of town visiting, for example). 

Third - Less snacking after dark, and if I must eat....choose fruit or veggies.

Fourth - utilize MyFitness Pal again. I'm not planning it for the long term, but it helps me get back on track when I log for several days. 

Fifth - Show my blog/FB page some love. A huge part of my success in the beginning was that I was blogging. Staying accountable to both myself and others through the perma-record I created via my blog.

Sixth - Adding in new exercise routines. I haven't been to the gym in months, all I've been doing is running. I love running. I will continue to run (although currently letting a case of runner's knee heal). But I need to start doing MORE. 

And that is my plan. Out there for all to see, so now I HAVE to follow it. 

P.S. Speaking of running, I did my 4th half marathon last weekend - race recap coming soon!

And I leave you with motivation/a reminder to myself. I've come SO far already, as demonstrated by this picture. I can totally go the rest of the way. 

Why I'll always struggle, and why/how running will help.

I've been successful. I am not at "goal" but I am close, and I've been maintaining the loss I've had so far. It's been 2.5 years now since I started my journey. The journey will continue until I die. Why?

THE INNTER FATTIE (cue dramatic music)

Because I will ALWAYS have that "inner fattie". I may look different than I used to, and my lifestyle may be different - but I will always have that inner fat girl inside. I will always struggle to control over-eating and indulging in "junk" too often. I totally believe in balance, so I certianly don't cut anything out - but I will always struggle with eating just one doughnut instead of 3. It doesn't matter if I'm not hungry. It doesn't matter if my stomach is bloated and I am feeling a little too full...once I start, I will always want to keep going. It's something that a lot of people cannot understand unless they, too, struggle with it or have struggled with it. And I am sure it sounds ridiculous to those who have not experienced it.

Honestly, it sounds ridiculous to me, too. Why would I eat a box of cereal? Why would anyone want to eat pasta until they felt like they were going to explode? Who would eat frosting out of a can daily until the can was gone and it needed to be replaced for it's intended use on a cake (which of course promptly gets eaten in less than 2 days). Who eats a bag of chips, with dip, by themselves?

I don't know, but I know I admit to having done all of those things in my lifetime, so I understand others who have done it, too. And many won't admit it, but I think it's actually pretty common. And it can be painfully hard to overcome. For me, personally, taking ownership of it was a big part of the process. YES. I ate like crap. I binged. And of course, nobody binges on salads and veggies. And guess what else? It was nobody's fault but my own. Screw the excuses, it was ALL ME. And I was the only person who could fix it.

So yes. I will always struggle because my inner fattie is a part of me....she will always be lurking in the background - I am just learning how to better control her these days.

But now for the second part of my post - why I like running and how it helps and will continue to help battle my inner fatty and all of my old habits. Growing up, I hated gym. I hated sports. For many reasons, but one being that I just did not have the competitive nature necessary for team sports. And kids in school can be nasty. You miss a shot playing basketball and it was like the world was about to shatter! So, I grew up HATING sports and gym class in particular. I would have preferred torture with 24 hours of polka music while locked in an empty room by myself.

But I needed something active to do in order to help the weight loss journey. To get fit and healthy. Running is PERFECT. You do not have to compete against anybody but yourself - and even then, only if you want to. Some people love just heading out and running - no timer, no thoughts about pace. Just running. That is awesome!! I started out that way, and have evolved to be a bit competitive - with my own times. I love pushing myself to improve my last time. And I love that it does not matter what anyone else does, and nobody else is affected by what I do. It's all me. There will always be people faster, and always be people slower, and it doesn't matter! Running is so all-inclusive. You're a runner, whether you run 12 minute miles or 7 minute miles.

Bonus - I can do it with others or alone. I can get lost in my own thoughts or just zone out. I can step out my door and go, or drive to other areas or trails to explore. I just need a good pair of shoes and some work out clothes! And when I've been running regularly, my eating habits naturally get better, without even thinking about it. Who wants to ruin a good running streak with a bunch of junk food? And who wants to run, feeling all weighed down by a bloated stomach because you ate too much crap? It's perfect motivation to eat well, and eating well is a perfect motivation to run. For me, they now go hand in hand. I am a runner now, and I intend to stay that way - because it has become a key element of my continued health and weight loss/maintenance success.

I can EASILY see myself gaining all of my weight back and probably then some, if I don't stay active.

Rice Lake Classic 3.7 Miles

Yesterday I did a local 3.7 mile race with some ladies in my MRTT chapter. It was a hilly course with a pretty good wind blowing against us part of the way.

But fun! I finished in 33:31, and I'm thrilled with that. At the 5k mark, I was at 27:11...14 seconds faster than my current 5k race PR (and that was on a pancake-flat course). 

But even better, it was amazing to watch my friends finish. Our times varied from second-place overall, to being within the last to finish. Every.single.one.of.them ROCKED it!!!  It was awesome, so many inspiring women. 

I followed up that great race with a day of family fun at our city annual festival. Plenty of junky food was consumed. This morning I headed out for a 9 miler and the plan is to get back on the healthy food wagon today and through this coming week! Wish me luck :-)

I'm still here!

It's been awhile. I'm sorry. It's summer, life is crazy, and I'm a slacker. 

I am hangin in there. Haven't weighed in for at least a month, but I feel the same based on how stuff fits. I could be doing better in my eating habits, luckily my running counteracts that. But I bet if I made better choices (quality food vs. the crap I sometimes eat), I'd be finally chipping away at those last few lbs I want to lose. I really need to get back on track!!!! I'm thankful to be maintaining but really want to see progress again. 

That's my goal. Starting now. Back on track!!! And I've announced it, so I have to do it. Right? 

New side by side, before & after

Before: 227 lbs, size 22, XXL
After: 138 lbs, size 6-8, Medium

Top 100 most influential weight-loss blog?????

Say WHAT? This was totally random and surprising but I love it. See me at #60?!

Vacation: Obese vs. fit

I am fresh off of a wonderful 4 day vacation to Ft. Myers Beach, FL, with my hubby. After a crazy year of some major life changes, we really needed the time away. Let me tell you, it was magnificent! One of my best vacations ever - and I can tell you that at least part of that is due to the state of my health.

When you are obese, unfit, unhealthy or any combination of the 3 (because while they often go together, there are times that they don't), vacation can be bittersweet. It's always great to get away and to relax. But it's no fun to stress over things like airplane seat belts (will it fit) and the tray that comes down (will my tummy be in the way of getting it all the way down). Even worse, it can be exhausting to do much walking and make you sweat 10x more than the average person. Getting into a bathing suit sucks. For many people, such as me in the past, doing certain things is intimidating.

Case in point: I would NEVER have went para-sailing in the past. Never. Ever. NEVER EVER. Not only is it nerve racking anyhow, but I would have been overcome with worries, founded or unfounded. Would the weight limit be enough? Would I look like a bit fat blob and be laughed at? Did my fat butt really belong up there? These things might seem, or even really BE ridiculous - but they were things I would have thought.
But not this time. Nope....hubby and I decided to go for it and it was spectacular. I was nervous, but I didn't let anything hold me back.

We also did a lot of walking - and I managed it just fine (other than the heat getting pretty tiring after being in the HOT sun for several hours a day a few days in a row - but that was mostly my wimpy Minnesota blood, not a low fitness level). One time, we were in a hurry to catch a trolley scheduled to come in, and the only way we would make it is if we ran. So we did. AND I was wearing flip flops! I really don't think I could have done that 2, and certainly not 3+ years ago. (We made it, by the way - we ran up to the trolley stop just as the trolley was arriving)!

Another new thing for me besides being more adventurous and being able to actually walk without keeling over....wearing cute swimsuits. Until now I have worn a lot of one-piece or 2 piece tankinis with built-in skirts. They were just fine, I am not knocking them so don't get me wrong. But everyone is different, and I longed to wear something "cute" as opposed to something that obviously came from the plus-sized racks. I ended up buying a red 2 piece tankini and a black/blue tankini as well as a black bikini top to go with the black/blue tankini bottom (got that? haha). And I WORE the bikini. Oh yes, I wore that sucker. I rocked it. I may not be perfect. I may have some stretch marks and a nice big vertical c-section scar. But I am proud of my hard work, and felt confident enough to go for it. It's not like it was some tiny triangle top. It provided good coverage. The bottoms didn't sit too far down. It was actually really perfect for me, without scaring others away yet still making me feel comfortable. Okay, but here is a confession - I mostly wore it in the mornings, before the days meals and drinks had a chance to "bloat me up" too much.

So there you have it. A great vacation, filled with confidence and the ability to physically do whatever I wanted to do, with no worries or paranoia. We swam, shelled, lounged, ate good food and drank cold tropical drinks, did a 6-hour private charter fishing trip during which my hubby caught a 400+ lb "Goliath Grouper" (along with plenty of other smaller fish for us both), we went para-sailing and saw a shark from up above, saw dolphins and a sea turtle, saw some beautiful scenery...it was a wonderful vacation.

Following are a couple of vacation pics. Just a couple from my phone - we haven't taken any off of our camera yet.

Starting out with a drink at the airport

One of my favorite pics from the vacation

Para-sailing!

Nothing like an beach sunset at the ocean.

Starfish everywhere!

A bird feeding one evening before sunset

First day, right after we arrived. Checking out the scenery.