Happy Halloween!

Having 2 young children is both good and bad for Halloween. On one hand, we are not home on Halloween, so we don't have to buy candy to hand out. Therefore, there is no candy hanging out in our house in the days prior to Halloween.

BUT, then my kids go trick-or-treating. They are both girls, ages 4 and 5. This year they will be the world's cutest little kitty and piggy. Ridiculously cute. Of course, they end up with enough candy to share with all of China. They can't eat it all, nor do I want them to. The obvious solution to this little dilemma, before I was more health-conscious? Eat it!  Better me than them, right?! Well, kind of. But there are other solutions to be considered....




Throw some away. (I know...*GASP*).

Bring it to work!! Set out a jar or bowl on your desk or in a common area.

Simply hit less houses. You can't eat what you don't get.

If you know certain houses/neighborhoods typically give out less junk and/or more healthy options (raisins for example), go with that. Your kids might complain. Tell them to shut it and enjoy their raisins.

Go trick or treating as early as you can, get home early, and then turn around and give some candy back out! (Let your kids pick out some of their favorites to keep).

Make art projects out of the oddball candies (like those hard candy ball things, AKA evil little choking hazards). Glue them together or onto paper. Put them into a decorated bottle and turn them into maracas.

If you are REALLY lucky, maybe you have a kid with a birthday coming up in the very near future - use some candy in goodie bags for the party guests!

I realize some of these present challenges - mainly your kids not wanting to part with ANY of their candy. I don't know about other people, but with my young kids, they never get free access to their candy anyhow. I let them look through it all right away, pick a little something to enjoy right away, and then it gets put up. After that, it's easy peasy to do a little thinning out of the supply. They are so young, that the next time they are picking out a candy from the bowl, they will be concentrated on what they want to pick, and not the fact that their supply has shrunk by 75%. It's sneaky, but it works, and it's for the greater good of all involved :-)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN and BE SAFE!

When the time is right....

"I'll start tomorrow!"
"I'll start on Monday!"
"I'll start on the 1st of the month!"
"I'll start after Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years..."

I have heard them all and probably used them all. Statements proclaiming when you are finally going to make the changes. But we need to remember some things about timing our weight loss journeys...

First of all, it doesn't matter when you start or when you plan to start - you won't be successful if the time isn't right. By the time being right, I mean you have to be truly ready and willing to make the commitment and sacrifices necessary. If you aren't truly ready for that, it won't matter how you plan your timing.

Second of all, if you truly are ready, then why wait for tomorrow, or Monday, or next month, or after the holiday? Why can't you start NOW, with your next snack or meal? Why can you take a walk, join the gym, buy an exercise video, or try out Wii Fit TODAY? You know what they say, there is no time like the present. SO TRUE!

Finally, try to keep in mind that putting it off is only deepening the problem. Every day that you continue feeding your body junk, is another day of unhealthy. It's making it that much harder to get going. It's making it easier to continue making excuses.

Don't put it off. Make that decision, accept responsibility for where you are, and make the commitment to put in the work to get to where you want to be!!! Trust me - I may have lost a bunch of weight, but it has not been easy. It still isn't easy. I have had to work my butt off. I have made tons of mistakes along the way. I made a mistake this morning! But one thing I do have that I never had in my previous attempts, is healthy motivations and a sense of lifetime commitment.

Monday weigh in

Today's weight = 151.5. I am down almost a pound...from 4 weeks ago! :-( I could be doing so much better...I really need to get my eating under control. Back into healthy mode. I can't blame this on anyone besides myself - I am a sucker for cereal and pizza and carbs. Combine that with being really sick last week (so I didn't make it to the gym even once) - and of course I didn't really lose any weight.

This week I am feeling much better. Tonight I am headed to the gym for a 30 minute walk around the track, Zumba, a 5k run on the treadmill, and some time on the elliptical. I already didn't eat very well today - it was grocery day, and I was hungry when we went. I am determined to do better this afternoon and work out hard to help (at least a little) burn some of that JUNK off.

On the positive side, I did stock up with lots of good, healthy foods. Apples, bananas, pineapple celery, cucumbers, salad, black bean whole wheat tortillas, black beans...  I should be able to stick to my plans with all of that good food in my fridge for the week.

How are things going for you? Have you been on track, or derailing? What is your plan to get on track/stay on track?

One final note: Stay safe to all of those out there in the East who are being/will be affected by Hurricane Sandy and the resulting "Frankenstorm". I think lots of people hoped that this was a lot of media hype (not that the media would ever do that.....*dripping with sarcasm*), but as it get's closer, it really is looking like it will be as bad or worse as they were predicting. So stay safe and the nation is thinking of you!

Skinny

I thought I saw somewhere that the average model is something like 25% thinner than the average american woman. And a LOT of models have a BMI that would qualify them as being underweight.

Of course, for the average woman, there is no danger of ever being underweight...more of us are battling the weight loss game or trying to maintain our average weights... but these are the standards society is thrusting in our faces at every turn. So when you are aiming to lose weight, it can be easy to focus on wanting to simply be "thin" rather than focusing also, on your health. After all, "thin is in".

As for the ridiculous hair styles sometimes seen, let's not even go there.

Guess what. I want to look hot in a swimsuit as much as the next woman. But first of all, being a stick with bones jutting out in awkward places, and having no boobs, is not hot. Guess what else? I would much rather be a size 10, but strong and fit, than to be a size 0 and have no energy or strength. I wonder how many of these super skinny models could run long distances? Not many, considering they don't have the fuel for it in their bodies. These models are skinny-fat - and that is not where it's at.

I want to look great, be healthy, and have the strength, power and fitness to accomplish amazing things. Our bodies are capable of so much if we just treat them properly and put in the work - why would I throw that away for a flat chest and a bony ass?

*Disclaimer: I do realize there are occasions where women are underweight and honestly struggle to put weight on, just as overweight women struggle to lose it. I am absolutely NOT talking about these women and firmly believe they deserve all the same respect as an overweight person, or any person. My point is geared towards the super, ridiculously skinny models who are getting paid millions to keep their calorie intake low and their BMI even lower. I also understand there may be other factors at work - mental struggles and such. I don't mean to bang on these women personally, because I'm not in their shoes and don't know what's going on in their heads or lives. What I DO bang on, is how society is allowing this to appear as a standard. If consumers buy it and feed off of it, it won't go away. There are some great campaigns out there, such as the Dove Love your Body one and their movement for self esteem. I wish we would see more of this, including in the high fashion industry. Why can sample sizes be in the 6-12 range rather than the 00-4 range? Why can't the models be fit and curvy? Why, why why?

What are your thoughts on the super skinny models and companies that use them to promote their goods?

Diet vs Exercise

You can exercise all you want...if you eat like crap, you will not see the level of success that you would if you paired your hard work with healthy eating habits. I have seen it over and over again in myself. There have been times where I have let my diet slide (diet in the sense of what I eat, not an actual "I'm on a diet" kind of diet) but worked out hard, and seen absolutely NO movement on the scale. For weeks on end, even. When I was new at this, I was a little puzzled...how could I be working this hard and sweating like a pig, yet not losing any weight?! But once I was honest with myself (again, there's that damn honesty piece popping up), I realized that what I put in my mouth was not healthy or conducive to losing weight or getting fit. As soon as I started watching what I put in my mouth and concentrating on eating quality foods in decent quantities...the weight started coming off again.



So when you get stuck, make sure you take a good look at your habits - are you working your butt off at the gym, only to negate all that hard work with chinese take out, pizza, donuts and soda? Don't be surprised then, that you aren't seeing much progress. Even if you must take small steps towards a better diet, it's better than nothing. Keep working at matching your diet to your exercise, and success will come. You just can't give up, because these things take time. A whole lot of agonizing, frustrating time. Time that is worth it in the end!



REMEMBER: Your exercise is only as efficient as your diet allows it to be.

Motivation

It can be hard to find your motivation. Impossible, even.

Picture this: You're chillin' on the couch, your hand in a bag of chips, a container of Top the Tater on the table next to you. A pop (or soda, or coke...whichever term you prefer) within close reach. Or a beer. Or wine. Wait, chips and wine isn't classy, you say? Eh. Sounds good to me.

Anyways. Back to our imaginations...There you are, watching your favorite show. Friends reruns, The Simpsons, Grey's Anatomy, Deadliest Catch...pick your poison! And you briefly think to yourself, what am I doing? Why am I stuffing my face like this? How much have I even eaten? Man, I'm going to feel like cra - OMG I can't believe that just happened (and attention promptly goes back to the TV).

Does it sound familiar? I know it does for me. I can't even imagine how many calories I have consumed in my life through mindless eating, or bored eating, or angry eating, or simply "I don't give a f*ck" eating. Sure, the thought of finally getting on track and getting healthy always sounded great. Amazing. Spectacular, even! But wanting something and taking action to get it, are two very different things - and in order to take action, you need to have motivation. Unfortunately, "I want to be skinny" is generally not enough motivation to make a huge life change. Yes, it can be a part of what motivates you, but it needs to be paired with many other, more important motivators.

Health. Family. Children. Pride.

These are all reasons I try to keep in the forefront of my mind throughout my journey, and especially when I am stumbling and need to take a step back and remember why I am doing this. I want to be healthy, I want to feel good. I want to have energy and be confident and not have to worry as much about certain obesity related diseases and problems. I want to be around as long as possible for my family and my children. I want to be a positive influence on my children so that they never have to battle the battle I have battled (get that?). I want to be proud of myself and I want my loved ones to be proud of me, too.

Yep - It doesn't hurt that shopping is more fun. (I can fit into a SINGLE DIGIT SIZE?!? SAY WHAT?!)  Or that while I know my husband loves me no matter what, I am probably slightly more appealing, physically (though he would never admit it, but come on, he is only human!). These are somewhat shallow motivations, but important nonetheless. So don't misunderstand me - I am not saying that it's bad to care about how you look. Most people do, and it's nice to feel you look nice! I am also not saying overweight people can't look nice. They can, and many do. I am just saying, if you find this to be a motivator, then more power to you - just make sure you aren't being solely motivated by this. As exciting as "looking hot" is, it's not a deep enough reason to solely keep you going through such a long, tedious, difficult journey. Your health, well being, and family - THOSE are the types of reasons that will stick with you and help motivate you for the long haul.

Make a list, mental or hard copy - of your motivators. Include everything, big and small. When you find yourself floundering, think of or look back on your list. Take some time to really think about them and take yourself back to the beginning, when you first decided "This is it!". Take yourself back to the CORE of why you are doing what you are doing. Why you decided to undertake this amazingly hard, rewarding, frustrating journey of ups and downs. Sometimes a little reminder is all it takes to get yourself back on track!

So tell me - what are your motivators?! Big or small, let's hear em' all!

Diets, shakes, and weight loss "fads".

Disclaimer: I am not putting you down if you have tried or are currently trying any of these things. I do realize weight loss is not a one size fits all sort of thing. I am also not saying I am perfect - I obviously am NOT, as illustrated by my constant battle with weight since forever ago - not to mention the fact that nobody is perfect, anyhow. This is just my personal opinion.



Weight loss...shakes, fad diets, pills, HCG. Holy crap there is a lot of that floating around out there, and it's no wonder why, with obesity statistics the way they are. I can totally understand how it feels to be grasping at straws; at any potential quick fix or hoping that this could finally be the magic bullet that works for me.

But let's not play games or pretend. Many of these methods lead to short term weight loss, but NOT long term success. Why is that? Because who wants to drink a shake in place of breakfast every day for the rest of your life?! How sustainable is that? Sure, it's great to kick start weight loss, because you are cutting calories. But the same thing could be done simply through replacing some of your "less healthy" foods, with more healthy ones - and that, to me, is way more sustainable and enjoyable.

I'm telling you - LIFESTYLE CHANGE is where it is at. It's hard, yes. But it's TOTALLY WORTH the extra effort and time. 

Blah

I try really hard to maintain a positive attitude, even through the tough spots. For the most part, I succeed. But today I'm just off. I feel blah. My weekdays have been going amazing. Last week from Monday through Friday, I lost almost 7 lbs (most of it obvious water weight from a weekend of eating like crap, since my body hangs onto that water weight like freaking crazy). This weekend I ate like crap again and gained it all back. ALL of it...My weigh in today was literally exactly the weight I was last Monday. Which isn't terrible, at least I didn't gain, but it makes me so mad at myself that I had been doing so great last week and then I undid all that progress over a weekend. It's bloat. I can feel it, and it sucks. It makes me feel huge and icky. I'm just MAD at myself. I know better, yet I still make that mistake over and over again.

Then add in that I've managed to get sick...this is one of the worst sore throats I can remember having. Icky cough/congestion (mostly chest congestion), headaches, tired...just not fun. And of course, I have a half marathon this weekend which I am already under trained for as it is.

*Sigh*

Let's hope my throat feels better soon, because that is by far my least favorite sick symptom. I HATE HATE HATE sore throats. I just wish I could sleep until it's gone. And then magically lose my last 10 lbs.

Is that so much to ask?!?!!

Yeah. I know.

Is anyone else who is typically positive, feeling kinda blah? Or am I all alone in this blah boat??

Face shot before & after

August 2010 vs. September 2012 - down 80+ lbs with 10 or less to go!

Something that bugs me

I am used to being the "bigger" girl. Even in elementary school, I was bigger than most of my classmates. What I am not used to is being a so called "normal" size. My BMI is in the normal range. I can buy normal, non-plus size clothing. My doctor is not concerned about my weight. This is all new to me! These are things that I never dreamed would ever be the case - but here I am! It's amazing and still seems impossible.

But what kind of bugs me is when I get comments occasionally, from well-meaning friends or acquaintances, that I am "disappearing into nothing". Or "How much more do you plan to lose, you are tiny?! Maybe I am just being sensitive, but it feels like they are saying I am taking it too far. But the thing is, I am very aware of exactly where I am and where I need to go in my journey - and I am very conscious of making sure I am not seeing myself differently than everyone else. My BMI is towards the top of the "normal" range, so although people may comment that I look like I can't lose anymore - yes, I can. I want to be in the middle of normal...and trust me, there is definitely enough excess left for me to get there. I have even asked my hubby's opinion, with the promise that nothing he said would be held against him, and he agreed with me. Losing another 10-15 lbs is not a far reach. The thing is, people who have known me forever, have NEVER seen me as a "normal" weight. Maybe to them, it's a bit of a shock and looks just...not right. I just wish they would trust me that I am not turning into a crazy person and trying to be a size 0 or something. I am honestly taking a ton of different things into account when I am deciding where my goal is. I just wish I didn't have to feel guilty for doing so! It's like, if somebody was my build and height, but had always been 130 lbs and healthy looking, nobody would think twice. It would be a non-issue. But just because I have always been overweight or obese, it is crazy for me to be 130 lbs? Even though 130 for my height is well within the typical normal range?

Honestly, I say in person to people that I'd like to get to X goal, but deep down, I secretly hope to get to a different goal - I'm just afraid of more comments about losing too much weight. I suppose it's just a hazard that goes with the territory of losing a significant amount of weight, and even more so being open and honest about it like I am. I understand that and I accept that...but just wanted a quick vent about it. Now I will get over it and move on :-)

Weaknesses

Everybody has weaknesses. For us fatties and former fatties (hey, sounds harsh, but you know I try to be honest), often times our biggest weaknesses involve food. Here is a list of some of my weaknesses. I am all for things in moderation of course....but these are things that, for me, require an immense amount of willpower in order to NOT devour 5 servings of at once. The list is obviously not all-encompassing. I don't generally have a history of being picky about what kind of junky goodness I shove down my throat. Go figure....

1. Pizza
2. Pasta (especially creamy alfredo based dishes)
3. Bakery items (cupcakes, donuts, pastries etc)

Why can't my biggest weaknesses be salad? I do love salad, in fact you should have seen the massive salad I ate yesterday (with light dressing, used sparingly of course!) But I feel like no matter how much I change my life and get into a healthy eating routine, nothing will ever take away my love for pizza or pasta. Which really, is fine - the problem is more that once I start, I can't stop. I can't just eat a piece of pizza...I end up eating several. And feeling like crap afterwards, with a bloated stomach and guilt on my mind. I wish I could just be normal and eat a little, along with a great big salad, and feel satisfied! Unfortunately that is never going to be me, at least not without a constant struggle.

What are some of your weaknesses?

Why are you/were you fat?

I'm all about honesty. I believe it is a key component to successfully changing my life and maintaining the health and fitness I have finally come to know. Part of that honesty is recognizing how I got to be 227 lbs and a size 22.

I started out overweight when I was in elementary school. I had no confidence, and therefore was too scared to do anything about it. Exercising or joining in sports would have meant people SEEING me. I never thought it was worth it. Then in high school I concentrated on other things. I was happy with what I did and what I had. I was overweight, but not obese, and I figured that was fine - no biggie. I could manage that.

Then I got married, had kids...the weight started piling on. I ate even more crap. I love junk food, not going to lie. My willpower was non-existent, and to be honest I often didn't even care. I just liked food.

 I also engaged in almost no physical activity. I felt like it would be pointless to try. I was out of breath just walking up one flight of stairs in my own house. That's just the way it was and I felt like that's just the way it would have to stay.

I wanted to change, but really didn't know how. And I was afraid of failing, yet again. And it seemed like it would be SO hard. Take SO long. I felt like I would never get to where I wanted to be. Basically lots of fear affected my every thought regarding my health and the seemingly far fetched potential for change. I am pretty sure I also didn't realize just how big I was! I was fooling nobody by myself.

Now I am a "normal" BMI, which still feels incredibly impossible. I am a size 8 (6 on good days in the right brand). It still seems so foreign to me, but in a great way obviously. I am well aware that it could all go to shit, SO easily, if I ever stop being honest with myself. I need to maintain the honesty. I need to remember where I came from, and why.

Who is brave enough to comment with why THEY are or were fat? Not excuses, but actual, honest reasons?

Loss this week

Since last week, I lost .5 lbs. I could have...SHOULD have...done better. Like WAY better. Last week I weighed myself unofficially and was up to almost 5 lbs lost since my official Monday weigh in. (Obviously, mostly water weight). But I put it all back on this weekend with a couple of oh-so-bad yet OH-SO-GOOD meals, including lasagna last night and Rainforest Cafe in the Mall of America on Saturday. The good news is, I am obviously not losing and regaining 5 lbs of fat in a matter of days, so I know it's at least just water weight. But still. I don't WANT it. I don't want to be retaining all that water because I eat like crap. I know better - it's just so hard, especially on weekends. I need to make a plan, especially for this coming weekend as we will be out of town. Being out of town always throws a wrench in things.

I have terrible willpower sometimes. I recognize this but it's easier said than done to simply "do better". I will keep working on it...It always helps when I get some exercise because who wants to ruin all that hard work with a bunch of junk food? Today I am going to the gym in the afternoon for some cardio, and tonight I am going again for Zumba. I am really looking forward to it, too. I bet anything after eating clean today and getting some exercise, I will be 2 lbs down tomorrow. Too bad it's not 2 lbs of fat instead of 2 lbs of water retention.

FRUSTRATING!

The nitty gritty truth

Disclaimer: Do not proceed if you are going to be easily offended or sensitive to these points I am making. Trust me, it's not meant to offend. I have been there. I still struggle with many of these things - which is why I can speak so candidly about them. I totally understand it!! This was/is ME! And so, the paragraphs below are me sharing with you a very blunt explanation, at least from my viewpoint, of some of our most common issues hindering weight loss.

Excuses. I am very passionate about this subject when it comes to getting healthy, fit and losing weight. You know what they say...excuses are like assholes...everyone has one. This is TRUE. I had excuses. I still have excuses, though I try to be conscious about this and give myself a kick in the butt or reality check when I find myself making them.

The truth is, 95% of excuses people give, even if they "sound" legit, are BULL. (The exception to this, is of course, medical issues or people who are very ill and on medication that truly does cause substantial weight gain). Oh, what's that? Your mother, grandmother, great grandmother and all of your aunts are obese and obesity runs in your family? Who cares! You have no time to work out? Well trust me, if it's truly a priority to get fit, you CAN make time! Your leg hurts, so you can't exercise? Do upper body exercises while you sort out your leg! You are an food addict, just like an alcoholic? I don't doubt it, but admitting you have a problem can be the first step, not a declaration of hopelessness! And oh, that's awful about splitting from your boyfriend, and finding your fish belly-up, and your best friend moving away, and being demoted at work. I truly feel for you and you totally deserve some time to grieve and feel upset. You deserve some "woe is me" time for sure - but it's not an excuse to go on a week-long junk binge, that will only make you feel worse! (trust me, I've done it!) Maybe instead you could put your pissed-off energy into some kick-ass workouts?! What's that? You are older than me and your metabolism isn't what it used to be and your habits are more engrained and you have aches and pains I just can't understand? That's just more excuses! Do you think you are the only "older" person in the history of the planet with these issues? And do you think nobody has ever overcome them? Of course that's not the case!!! Ok, so maybe you have more working against you. But again, it's just a matter of will.

Take it from me - I have used all of these excuses at one point or another (and then some). Obesity does "run in my family"...somehow I managed to overcome it! And having no time? That is a HUGE one! The fact is - where there is a will, there is a way. There was a period of time in the beginning that I was seeing great success in my fitness journey - along with working 70 hour weeks and taking care of my house, and family including 2 young daughters. My husband worked more than 40 hours a week too, so I also had to juggle against his crazy schedule. There were times that I got up at 3:30 am to work out, because that was the only time I could find. I am not saying it was easy...it certainly wasn't. It sucked, and it was hard. But that was what I needed to do in order to succeed, and so I did it. I made the sacrifices necessary because losing weight and getting healthy was truly one of my priorities. I have juggled many things during the last 2 years. Family, working overtime, grad school, being a chapter leader for Moms RUN This Town, training for half marathons, organizing a virtual 5k....and through it all, I (generally) maintained my priorities, even when it was hard because I felt like I had no free time. My point here is not to brag or to make myself sound all superior...trust me, I stumbled plenty of times...rather, my point is simply that time is NOT a good excuse. Time is what you make of it and sacrifices may be required. It is hard, but totally worth it in the end.

Next up - honesty. You say you have "tried everything". Pills, weight loss programs, and even the old fashioned "eating healthy and exercising". Seriously though? You "tried", but did you truly give it 100%? Or did you give up in 2 weeks when you didn't see results?  Was your version of healthy truly healthy? Or did you just swap out your 10 regular Oreos for 15 reduced-fat Oreos? I hear all the time that people already tried the old fashioned way, and it didn't work. There is a reason for that, and it isn't because your body is simply meant to be fat!

Taking responsibility for your actions is also a major issue that you must overcome before you see success. It is not your spouses fault that YOU ate an entire box of fruit loops just because he or she bought it for your kids. It is not your spouses fault that YOU ordered nachos, onion rings and a 2,000 calorie dessert when you went out to eat after he or she suggested a date night. It is also not your mother's fault that YOU ate 10 chocolate chip cookies when she made them while your family was visiting her house. Again - this isn't easy, but you need to stop putting blame on other people and you need to find your willpower. The fact is, this journey is not just about losing the weight, but it is about maintenance. You can't expect everybody around you to eat exactly as you need to, for the rest of your life. You need to get used to dealing with reality, and the reality is that there will always be temptations. It is up to YOU and YOU alone, to have some willpower. Willpower is not easy to find. I still lose mine sometimes. I try to stick with it by remembering my long term goals and asking myself, how will this affect those goals and how does that compare to the temporary happiness it will bring me? How would I feel afterwards if I ate half of this pizza?  Ok - sometimes even asking myself that won't stop me from eating it and then feeling guilty and bloated afterwards. But I try. And more often than not, it does help, as demonstrated by my 85 lb loss in the last 22 months. I make mistakes, but I move on from them rather than letting them cause me to make more excuses or get frustrated enough to give up. 

Oh - and fad diets and pills? The HCG diet? NOT GOING TO WORK. The majority of the time, it either doesn't work at all, or works but then the weight comes piling back on once you go back to normal. And trust me - you WILL go back to normal. These diets and plans are impossible to do for the rest of one's life. Plus, they would be unhealthy to do for the rest of one's life! The only "diet" worth being on, is simply eating normally and healthfully. It is the hardest, but most easily maintained in the long-term. Honestly I could and probably will eventually make a whole blog post dedicated to just this...but I digress.

So really. Quit making excuses. Quit blaming everyone else. I don't give a shit what other people around you are eating - nobody is forcing crap down your throat. I realize it is delicious and addicting and tempting. Why do you think I (or any of "us") got fat in the first place?! But if you want to make a change, you need to be willing to actually make the change. 

And when it comes down to it, that is what we all desire right? To get healthy and STAY healthy!

Black bean, pepper, onion and chicken tortillas

For those who might be into this type of thing, here is a recipe I like a lot. I made it last night for the first time in ages, and am now looking forward to having it "back in rotation". Before my husband and I had kids, we went through a phase where we ate this regularly. Very healthy - lots of protein, and of course lots of veggies. Very colorful, and they say that's a good thing :-)

Ingredients:
Bell Peppers
Onion
Jalepeno Black Beans
Tortillas
Cooked chicken breast, cubed (optional)
Cheese (optional)

Last night, I forgot it the chicken. It's just been so long, I spaced it out - and honestly it still turned out great so I didn't even realize it was missing until my husband mentioned it - after I had finished eating! So it's up to you - chicken, no chicken, either way. If you want it, you can start out with it in the pan or add it in at any point as long as it was already cooked.

Chop us some peppers and onion in whatever combination you want. You could just do all red pepper and onion, or do green and red pepper and leave out the onion...whatever suits you. Last night I used green, red, and orange bell peppers and white onion.

 Add the Jalepeno Black Beans. I am not sure what is out there for options, but this brand ROCKS:

Kuner's Southwestern Jalepeno black beans with lime juice

Then just heat that all up together. This is also an easy recipe to make extras of and have leftovers.

Put in tortilla. Sprinkle with a little cheese if you want. Roll up and enjoy!

How I did it

Just an FYI - I put some (ok, a lot) of stuff up on the "How I did it" page. It's just a rough start, so excuse any typos. I will work on smoothing it out, but I wanted to finally at least get something up. Feel free to comment or ask questions or whatever!

Zumba

I tried out a Zumba class at the gym last night with my sister in law. I was kind of nervous...that's just the way I am with new things like that, and I'm not the most coordinated person either. But let me tell you...

It was FUN!

I highly recommend it. Lots of people were there, of all shapes and sizes and skill and fitness levels. The instructor was fun, perky, and likeable. The lights were turned down, the atmosphere was just fun. I really enjoyed it even though I was spending a minute at the beginning of each dance trying to get a handle on what some of the basic moves were. I definitely sweated and I definitely want to go back.

Trust me. If I can take the leap and try it, ANYONE can. Go get your Zumba on. You won't regret it!!!

Back this truck UP

Ok so here is the deal. I need to do something before I end up where I started. My husband, my sister in law and her husband all have various amounts of weight we would like to lose. We've all gained 10+ lbs recently. We decided to do a weight loss challenge based on % lost. The winner gets to choose a place for dinner and the losing couple pays. Really I don't think any of us care about that, but it will be nice to be doing this "with" other people. We created a Google Doc to log our weights every Monday. We are going through to December 31st.

Today being Monday, meant first weigh in. My starting weight for this challenge? 152.3.
GRRRRRRRRR. That is almost a full 10 lbs up since my lowest weight. I actually weighed 142.6 once, if I remember right. WTF?! My life has changed so completely but I guess I was hoping I would be able to hang in there without gaining too much. Oh well - nothing I can do about it now besides resolve to get it back off.

Once again, another glaring reminder that no matter how much I've changed my habits and life..the old habits are lurking in the background, just waiting to sneak in there. It is going to be a life long battle. And will likely get harder, the older I get. But when I think back on how far I've come, I want to cry. I started out obese. Size 22. Zero confidence. Exhausted. Breathing heavily after going from upstairs to downstairs in my own house. Just plain unhealthy. Now, even though I've backtracked a slight bit over the last several weeks during this crazy transition my family has made...I am still on another planet, health-wise. I have energy. I am happy with myself. I feel good. I feel healthy! Now I just need to pick back up and finish out this phase of my journey...and officially enter into the life long maintenance phase.

Yep. I've gotta lose this damn weight. Damnit.

Today: Eating healthier meals and snacks, going for a walk, going to the gym for a run and elliptical, and trying out Zumba for the first time with my sister in law.

GAME ON! It's me against this weight. I am going to win.

What is up with me?!

Love this. So very true, with regards to both losing weight and running, for example doing a half marathon. It's SO hard. But SO amazing.

Being a stay at home mom for the moment has been a huge challenge where my eating habits are concerned. I have NO willpower!! It's like offering a bottle of vodka to an alcoholic. That sort of seems like maybe it was meant to be funny, but I'm serious. It's absolutely an addiction, and one that is much harder to manage now that I am surrounded by the food in my fridge and cupboards all day long. At least at work, I brought what I brought, and that's what I had. The cafe' and certain items such as pita chips and tiger brownies were always a battle, but at least those I could say no to because I didn't want to be spending the money on them every single day. And I had coworkers who knew about my weight loss journey, and I hate to be a "failure" (in my eyes that is) by eating junk. But you know...damn...those tiger brownies were pretty freaking awesome...

So anyhow. There I was this morning. I already had a cup of coffee, an apple, eggs and a piece of toast. Yet I found myself staring into the fridge and cupboards. Why?! What is it that I want? I'm craving carbs, I can feel it. Sugary or salty, junky goodness. That, and I'm kind of bored, so automatically my brain apparently goes to food. Crappy food, at that. Why can't I crave something like carrots or salad? Hell, if we're going into the "Why can't I" game...Why can't I just have naturally amazing metabolism and a naturally great body?! Is that so much to ask for? Ha....Yes, I know the answer. I'm just being whiney.

I'm getting off track. Back to the story.

Instead of giving in and eating more, I hopped on the computer and started writing this post. I suppose that could be one benefit of being home - when I have these tough times, I can come write about it and hopefully get distracted and let the craving pass.

I really want to get back on track though. I'm back to exercising regularly (went a couple times last week and three times this week already), and I don't want to mess that hard work up with some pointless calories eaten out of boredom. I have so much I could be doing but my daughter makes it hard...she is pretty clingy and demanding of my time. I have homework and a job search to be working on, but normally when I'm on the computer, she insists on sitting on my lap and if I won't let her, its a big fit. Either way, I can't get anything done.  It's honestly a miracle that she is letting me type this now.

HA! I spoke too soon. *Heads off to see what all the fuss is about*

Helloooo out there? A reader reach-out.

The number of readers here is continuing to increase, at least based on my blog stats... This is great, because I truly feel happy that I may possibly inspire or help somebody else in some way with my story. (That being said - feel free to share, recommend to others, or ask me about exchanging links if you have a health/fitness/weight loss related blog). Also note that you can "like" Enough of the Fluff on Facebook as well!

Anyhow...I would LOVE to know a little about some of you. People rarely comment - let's change this!!

Are there any regular (or not)  readers who wouldn't mind sharing their own story or just saying a little something? Let me know you are out there. Tell me who you are. Why you read my blog. What additional things you'd like to see on my blog. What your struggles are. Your favorite color. I don't care - just say something so I know I'm not talking to myself!

Marathon

I was watching this show about marathons the other day. I kept crying. Because I want to do one! Just imagining how amazing, challenging, emotional it is. The extreme hard work and tons of time you put into training for this one day, ending in crossing that finish line and knowing you did something incredible! Then for me, add on top of that, I used to be 227 lbs. Heck, when I was 9 months pregnant with my first daughter, I probably weighed 260 (I just don't really count that since it was pregnancy weight). I used to be fat, have no energy, and no confidence. Now...I run half marathons. I know I will do a full some day.

Now is not the right time - I am in grad school for another couple of years, and I need time to concentrate on that because I have lots of homework and studying hours ahead of me. But when I'm out of grad school and settled into my career...You better believe I WILL run a full marathon. Most likely Grandma's Marathon in Duluth, MN. Even though it's at least a few years away, I can't wait :-)