Confession

Time to be honest with myself. 

I've been stuck, and it's nobody's fault but my own. Yes - the last 5-10 lbs probably are the most stubborn....but my daily chocolate habit (and i'm not just talking one piece) certainly does not help. Neither does drinking wine or beer several nights a week. Or eating a bunch of junk before I go to bed. I am practically drooling just thinking about it. It's my inner fattie, she will always be with me.

I don't know what happened. Maybe I got comfortable with where I'm at? Or maybe it's just been nice to be enjoying myself yet still finding that I am pretty much maintaining my weight (I admit I haven't weighed in for a long time, but my clothes, including my size 6 items, still fit). I know I certainly take pride in not just my weight loss, but my overall health and fitness. In fact, I'd much rather weigh 10 lbs more but be strong and fit, than to be 10 lbs less but be weak and tired all the time. If I had to choose between being able to run 13 miles or being 10 lbs lighter, I'd choose running every time. 

Anyhow. So I'm happy with my fitness. Not that I don't strive for more (i do and i will), but I'm happy. Maybe I started concentrating on that more while forgetting about actual weight. I think that is a GOOD thing. I want to continue a focus on fitness. But truth be told, I'm starting to get the itch to "finish what I started". Why did I initially start this blog? Because I was ready to finally lose the weight. That was 2.5 years ago now and every failure and success and bump in the road is here for the world to see. And I've lost weight - but I'm not quite done. It's time to get there, and hopefully I can do that while also keeping up with my newfound overall fitness.  Then will begin a new journey, which is lifetime maintenance!

So what am I going to do in order to get back in action? 

First thing is first - no more daily chocolate/candy binges. I've cut myself off, until I can find a base line again and manage to eat ONE piece on occasion without going into a feeding frenzy that would make a shark jealous. 

Second - No more glass of wine nearly every night, instead I will reserve that for weekends only, or budget into my calories on certain days, for example when I've burned a lot at the gym or whatever. Beer (I'm a sucker for ciders) is way heavier, and I'm not going to be buying it for myself anymore except for specific occasions (like friends from out of town visiting, for example). 

Third - Less snacking after dark, and if I must eat....choose fruit or veggies.

Fourth - utilize MyFitness Pal again. I'm not planning it for the long term, but it helps me get back on track when I log for several days. 

Fifth - Show my blog/FB page some love. A huge part of my success in the beginning was that I was blogging. Staying accountable to both myself and others through the perma-record I created via my blog.

Sixth - Adding in new exercise routines. I haven't been to the gym in months, all I've been doing is running. I love running. I will continue to run (although currently letting a case of runner's knee heal). But I need to start doing MORE. 

And that is my plan. Out there for all to see, so now I HAVE to follow it. 

P.S. Speaking of running, I did my 4th half marathon last weekend - race recap coming soon!

And I leave you with motivation/a reminder to myself. I've come SO far already, as demonstrated by this picture. I can totally go the rest of the way. 

Why I'll always struggle, and why/how running will help.

I've been successful. I am not at "goal" but I am close, and I've been maintaining the loss I've had so far. It's been 2.5 years now since I started my journey. The journey will continue until I die. Why?

THE INNTER FATTIE (cue dramatic music)

Because I will ALWAYS have that "inner fattie". I may look different than I used to, and my lifestyle may be different - but I will always have that inner fat girl inside. I will always struggle to control over-eating and indulging in "junk" too often. I totally believe in balance, so I certianly don't cut anything out - but I will always struggle with eating just one doughnut instead of 3. It doesn't matter if I'm not hungry. It doesn't matter if my stomach is bloated and I am feeling a little too full...once I start, I will always want to keep going. It's something that a lot of people cannot understand unless they, too, struggle with it or have struggled with it. And I am sure it sounds ridiculous to those who have not experienced it.

Honestly, it sounds ridiculous to me, too. Why would I eat a box of cereal? Why would anyone want to eat pasta until they felt like they were going to explode? Who would eat frosting out of a can daily until the can was gone and it needed to be replaced for it's intended use on a cake (which of course promptly gets eaten in less than 2 days). Who eats a bag of chips, with dip, by themselves?

I don't know, but I know I admit to having done all of those things in my lifetime, so I understand others who have done it, too. And many won't admit it, but I think it's actually pretty common. And it can be painfully hard to overcome. For me, personally, taking ownership of it was a big part of the process. YES. I ate like crap. I binged. And of course, nobody binges on salads and veggies. And guess what else? It was nobody's fault but my own. Screw the excuses, it was ALL ME. And I was the only person who could fix it.

So yes. I will always struggle because my inner fattie is a part of me....she will always be lurking in the background - I am just learning how to better control her these days.

But now for the second part of my post - why I like running and how it helps and will continue to help battle my inner fatty and all of my old habits. Growing up, I hated gym. I hated sports. For many reasons, but one being that I just did not have the competitive nature necessary for team sports. And kids in school can be nasty. You miss a shot playing basketball and it was like the world was about to shatter! So, I grew up HATING sports and gym class in particular. I would have preferred torture with 24 hours of polka music while locked in an empty room by myself.

But I needed something active to do in order to help the weight loss journey. To get fit and healthy. Running is PERFECT. You do not have to compete against anybody but yourself - and even then, only if you want to. Some people love just heading out and running - no timer, no thoughts about pace. Just running. That is awesome!! I started out that way, and have evolved to be a bit competitive - with my own times. I love pushing myself to improve my last time. And I love that it does not matter what anyone else does, and nobody else is affected by what I do. It's all me. There will always be people faster, and always be people slower, and it doesn't matter! Running is so all-inclusive. You're a runner, whether you run 12 minute miles or 7 minute miles.

Bonus - I can do it with others or alone. I can get lost in my own thoughts or just zone out. I can step out my door and go, or drive to other areas or trails to explore. I just need a good pair of shoes and some work out clothes! And when I've been running regularly, my eating habits naturally get better, without even thinking about it. Who wants to ruin a good running streak with a bunch of junk food? And who wants to run, feeling all weighed down by a bloated stomach because you ate too much crap? It's perfect motivation to eat well, and eating well is a perfect motivation to run. For me, they now go hand in hand. I am a runner now, and I intend to stay that way - because it has become a key element of my continued health and weight loss/maintenance success.

I can EASILY see myself gaining all of my weight back and probably then some, if I don't stay active.

Rice Lake Classic 3.7 Miles

Yesterday I did a local 3.7 mile race with some ladies in my MRTT chapter. It was a hilly course with a pretty good wind blowing against us part of the way.

But fun! I finished in 33:31, and I'm thrilled with that. At the 5k mark, I was at 27:11...14 seconds faster than my current 5k race PR (and that was on a pancake-flat course). 

But even better, it was amazing to watch my friends finish. Our times varied from second-place overall, to being within the last to finish. Every.single.one.of.them ROCKED it!!!  It was awesome, so many inspiring women. 

I followed up that great race with a day of family fun at our city annual festival. Plenty of junky food was consumed. This morning I headed out for a 9 miler and the plan is to get back on the healthy food wagon today and through this coming week! Wish me luck :-)

I'm still here!

It's been awhile. I'm sorry. It's summer, life is crazy, and I'm a slacker. 

I am hangin in there. Haven't weighed in for at least a month, but I feel the same based on how stuff fits. I could be doing better in my eating habits, luckily my running counteracts that. But I bet if I made better choices (quality food vs. the crap I sometimes eat), I'd be finally chipping away at those last few lbs I want to lose. I really need to get back on track!!!! I'm thankful to be maintaining but really want to see progress again. 

That's my goal. Starting now. Back on track!!! And I've announced it, so I have to do it. Right? 

New side by side, before & after

Before: 227 lbs, size 22, XXL
After: 138 lbs, size 6-8, Medium

Top 100 most influential weight-loss blog?????

Say WHAT? This was totally random and surprising but I love it. See me at #60?!

Vacation: Obese vs. fit

I am fresh off of a wonderful 4 day vacation to Ft. Myers Beach, FL, with my hubby. After a crazy year of some major life changes, we really needed the time away. Let me tell you, it was magnificent! One of my best vacations ever - and I can tell you that at least part of that is due to the state of my health.

When you are obese, unfit, unhealthy or any combination of the 3 (because while they often go together, there are times that they don't), vacation can be bittersweet. It's always great to get away and to relax. But it's no fun to stress over things like airplane seat belts (will it fit) and the tray that comes down (will my tummy be in the way of getting it all the way down). Even worse, it can be exhausting to do much walking and make you sweat 10x more than the average person. Getting into a bathing suit sucks. For many people, such as me in the past, doing certain things is intimidating.

Case in point: I would NEVER have went para-sailing in the past. Never. Ever. NEVER EVER. Not only is it nerve racking anyhow, but I would have been overcome with worries, founded or unfounded. Would the weight limit be enough? Would I look like a bit fat blob and be laughed at? Did my fat butt really belong up there? These things might seem, or even really BE ridiculous - but they were things I would have thought.
But not this time. Nope....hubby and I decided to go for it and it was spectacular. I was nervous, but I didn't let anything hold me back.

We also did a lot of walking - and I managed it just fine (other than the heat getting pretty tiring after being in the HOT sun for several hours a day a few days in a row - but that was mostly my wimpy Minnesota blood, not a low fitness level). One time, we were in a hurry to catch a trolley scheduled to come in, and the only way we would make it is if we ran. So we did. AND I was wearing flip flops! I really don't think I could have done that 2, and certainly not 3+ years ago. (We made it, by the way - we ran up to the trolley stop just as the trolley was arriving)!

Another new thing for me besides being more adventurous and being able to actually walk without keeling over....wearing cute swimsuits. Until now I have worn a lot of one-piece or 2 piece tankinis with built-in skirts. They were just fine, I am not knocking them so don't get me wrong. But everyone is different, and I longed to wear something "cute" as opposed to something that obviously came from the plus-sized racks. I ended up buying a red 2 piece tankini and a black/blue tankini as well as a black bikini top to go with the black/blue tankini bottom (got that? haha). And I WORE the bikini. Oh yes, I wore that sucker. I rocked it. I may not be perfect. I may have some stretch marks and a nice big vertical c-section scar. But I am proud of my hard work, and felt confident enough to go for it. It's not like it was some tiny triangle top. It provided good coverage. The bottoms didn't sit too far down. It was actually really perfect for me, without scaring others away yet still making me feel comfortable. Okay, but here is a confession - I mostly wore it in the mornings, before the days meals and drinks had a chance to "bloat me up" too much.

So there you have it. A great vacation, filled with confidence and the ability to physically do whatever I wanted to do, with no worries or paranoia. We swam, shelled, lounged, ate good food and drank cold tropical drinks, did a 6-hour private charter fishing trip during which my hubby caught a 400+ lb "Goliath Grouper" (along with plenty of other smaller fish for us both), we went para-sailing and saw a shark from up above, saw dolphins and a sea turtle, saw some beautiful scenery...it was a wonderful vacation.

Following are a couple of vacation pics. Just a couple from my phone - we haven't taken any off of our camera yet.

Starting out with a drink at the airport

One of my favorite pics from the vacation

Para-sailing!

Nothing like an beach sunset at the ocean.

Starfish everywhere!

A bird feeding one evening before sunset

First day, right after we arrived. Checking out the scenery.

Shopping

When you lose 90 lbs and many sizes, it is inevitable that you will need new clothes. And I did buy a few things here and there a long the way, but never too much because I always knew I still had a ways to go - and why buy a bunch of new clothes that you know won't fit anymore soon anyhow?

But for awhile now I've been fairly stable in my weight. I do have a few pounds left to lose, but the major changes are done. Especially on top, I feel pretty safe in building a new wardrobe. But of course, there is another hurdle and that is finances. It isn't cheap to buy a ton of new clothes! Being that we recently moved and have had a lot of adjustments going on, new life to settle into etc, all of our extra money has been allocated towards other things such as debt payoff, beefing up our saving account, getting our kids into some (not cheap) swimming lessons, etc. These are priorities to us (yes, even the swimming lessons - it's not about fun, although my kids do love it...but no, it's about safety).

Now, finally, we had a little play room, thanks to the official closing on the house we sold and (still in shock) actually made money on. Hubby gave me a budget and said, go shopping.

YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! I was SO EXCITED. SOOOOO EXCIIIIITED. I headed to a local, very popular and kick-ass outlet mall and shopped all day long with my mom. I bought clothes from stores that I would never have dared stepped foot in before, due to knowing without even looking that they did not have my size. But on this day, I shopped my little heart out. I ended up with several pairs of shorts, a few pairs of pants, several shirts and several tank tops. It felt amazing and there were at least a couple of times where I found myself in a dressing room nearly in tears - not because I was upset, but because I was so happy.  It was also amazing because I am pretty sure I have not ever bought that much clothing in one day. It was a BLAST!! But more than that - it was truly needed, and I think well deserved. I worked my butt off, and continue to work my butt off, for every single ounce I lost over the last 28 months.

My body certainly is not perfect, but it is healthy. Sure, if I could snap my fingers and get rid of the excess chub and skin and stretch marks that are still on my stomach, I would do it. But I am carrying 90 less pounds on this frame. I am strong. I can run!

Anyhow. I followed up my shopping trip with a hair cut and color a couple of days later, and then a little more shopping afterwards, primarily to find a swim suit. I ended up finding 2 actually. And I am looking forward to rockin' them during our vacation just a week from tomorrow (no kids!). We will be staying at a resort right on the ocean and beautiful sandy beach in Florida. Just a short 4 day trip, but I intend to enjoy ever moment.

Now I leave you with a current pic...me and my new do'.

Confession

Underwear. Everybody (ok, most people) wear them. So I don't care if this is TMI for some people. It's just underwear, come on.

When you are obese, it is not easy to find cute underwear. Even if you do, it's still not that fun because they are uncomfortable or fit funny or whatever. Doesn't matter if they're technically your size, they still just don't feel right.

So, after years of feeling unable to buy "cute" underwear due to my obesity, it came as a welcome bonus when I realized I could finally buy pretty much any underwear my little heart desired...no problems with finding the right size and no feelings of ridiculousness or like a huge sack full of jello being squeezed into a small sandwich baggie. No more embarrassment at buying something stylish when really I feel like I look as though I should be wearing a tarp. Nope.... I can buy whatever kind of underwear I want and feel physically and mentally comfortable doing so.

And it.is.amazing. Like I say, you should embrace both the small and the big successes - while this may be "small" in comparison to good health and fitness, and being a positive role model for my kids - it's still really damn exciting, and I'm not afraid to say so!!

It's a big week!

This week is the MN Wild Game that I will be attending as the Lifetime Fitness "Fit Fan". I am crazy nervous but it should be fun! I am also glad to report that I am doing fairly well eating healthy and exercising, in fact this weekend I had what I would consider a "good" weekend...the first in a long time. If I can stay "on the wagon" this week, I am excited to see another pound or two drop off. Hitting 90 lbs is so close I can taste it. I am trying not to be impatient, because I realize the last few pounds are always hard. Not to mention, when I started this journey, my goal was to lose 77 lbs and weigh 150. That seemed to be a ridiculous, lofty goal as it was. My blog even said "My journey to losing 77 lbs". Now, well over 2 years later, I've lost almost 90! I never imagined in a million years that I would get to where I am, but at least now I finally know how strong I can be. How strong ANYONE can be, if they make the changes and prioritize and balance things as needed in order to meet their goals in a healthy way.

It just takes dedication. Scratch that - you have to be stubborn! I guess I am stubborn....I am sure my husband would NEVER say so, of course ;-)

Updates

I apologize that I do not update as often as I used to; I have gotten busier, plus my weight loss has slowed significantly as I've gotten closer to goal. Whatever that is...at this point, I'm still not positive.
I think I will know what I get there, although I'm sure it won't be much more than 10 lbs more.

My last official weigh in put me at 139.8. That's right folks - This former gym class failure...this lazy-ass obese woman who huffed and puffed going up a flight of stairs in my small house.....THIS GIRL...weighs in the 130's. Barely...I could have taken a big gulp of water and been up above 140 again...but hey, 139.8 is good enough for me :-)

April 11th is coming up fast - that is when I will be representing for Lifetime Fitness at the MN Wild game as the "Fit Fan". Still freaking scary, but I have faith that it will be a fun experience.

I have started training for the Maple Grove 1/2 marathon, only to decide that I won't be doing it. I'm bailing, because that weekend is the only weekend that really works for my hubby and I to take a much-needed mini vacation. Florida, here we come! We have had a crazy year, and we have another crazy year or two ahead - so we really need this. Races will come and go, but this opportunity to reconnect with my hubby is priceless and so that is where I need to be.

I did 6 miles this past Saturday and plan to do a few more weeks of 6-7 mile long runs before climbing up more in preparation for the Garry Bjorklund 1/2 Marathon in June. I figure I already am at 6 mile long runs, there is no use backing off and building back up - might as well at least maintain that base for a few weeks. Why not? After all, running is my bodies own personal weight loss bullet. I remember last year when I started training for the 1/2...that is when I started dropping weight again after being stuck. Same thing happening this year (only slower, because I have a lot less to lose).

In any case, rest assured that I work my ASS off for every pound, every ounce I lose - especially these days. When I work out, I don't go to look pretty and move my body around casually while I people watch, like some women do. NO. I WORK OUT HARD. I love to have sweat literally dripping from my nose, running down my back and stomach, pooling in my elbow crook. When I go to get a good work out in, that level of sweatiness is what I work towards. It's not easy. Sometimes, it's miserable.

But I sure feel great when it's over!!!

Get Lucky 7k

So. The Get Lucky 7k for St. Patty's day. I did this race in 2012, and it's the first race I've done twice (many more to come this year, but, this was the first).
Last year, we had record highs in March. We ran the race in 75 degrees. It was warm. It was dry. It was beautiful out! This year....it was cold. It was windy. And we had gotten a few inches of snow the day before, so some of it was icy. Completely the opposite of the previous year. In fact, it was kind of miserable conditions.

However, despite the race being much more challenging in 2013 than in 2012...I still managed to rock it. I weigh a good 30 lbs less, I'm fitter and I'm faster. Even with the cold (while waiting to cross the start line, my legs got so stiff and cold...it took a good 3/4 a mile before they were warmed up and stopped wobbling from being so stuff) and the ice (most of the slippery spots were within the first mile) I cut my time by 11 minutes...coming in at 41:25. I firmly believe, if it had been dry outside and less windy, I would have done it in under 40. However I am still thrilled with my time, averaging a 9:30 min/mile. Even cooler were my specific results - I passed something like 1200 runners, and only 35 passed me. I came in around 2000 out of 9000 (roughly).

My husband did it as well...he has barely run for several months, and STILL managed to beat his own previous time, in the cold and on the ice, by a minute and a half. How spectacular is that?! I am so proud of him, and of myself.

Next up for me is a local 1/2 marathon in May, followed by another in June. I've begun training...tonight I just got back from Zumba followed by a 5k on the treadmill. Wednesday I will do 4 or 5 miles, and this weekend I need to get a 6-7 miler in.

Let the half marathon preparations begin.

Lifetime Fitness - FIT FAN!

I got a call from the Lifetime Fitness Corporate office last week, asking me to come to a MN Wild game as a "Fit Fan" which is just a thing they do as a part of their partnership with the MN Wild.

So on April 11th, I will be heading to the St. Paul Xcel Energy Center...they will record a little segment of me and about my weight loss/fitness journey (and of course how Lifetime is now helping me in my journey). That segment will be aired on the big screen in the arena at some point during the game. I assume they chose to contact me because of the positive feedback my story had on their blog awhile back. In fact, it is now one of the "Recommended Posts" that is listed off to the side of every page you view. (You can see my little feature on their blog HERE).

Anyhow...can we say HOLY CRAPBALLS?!?! This is an NHL game. And this crazy face is going to be up on the big screens in the arena, talking?!

I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared shitless. But I'm doing it anyhow, because I am not the person I used to be...somebody who let fear and self consciousness run their life. And I just keep telling myself, it's for a good cause. Because maybe, just maybe, somebody will see it and it will be one of the pushes they need to get themselves on the right track. Maybe they can change their life the way I've changed mine. I want people to see that no matter how hopeless it feels, it truly CAN be done. No, it's not easy...but anything that is worthwhile never is!

And there was movement!

After being stuck since August....so....6 months... I FINALLY lost! My weight this morning was 140.4, putting me at just about 87 lbs lost. So close to being in the 130's, and so close to 90 lbs total... AAAAH!!! There was a point in time...well for much of my life, that it was unfathomable to me that I would ever be a normal, healthy weight. Now I'm staring the 130's in the face. I really wish I could remember what I weighed as a kid or young teenager. The farthest back I can remember is when I was 15/16...I wore a size 13 and weighed probably around 160? I wish I knew. Perhaps the last time I was 140 lbs was when I was, I don't know...12? And for 12, 140 lbs wasn't a good thing.

Why did I lose all of a sudden? I have 2 gueses. These are the 2 big things I've been doing differently. First of all, I've been drinking more water. Second, I have increased my running mileage. Same thing happened last year after I had been stuck - I started running more this time of year, and the weight started coming off again. Apparently the key for me, is running.

And speaking of running, my mom's running group is going WONDERFULLY. It is growing fast, we are currently at 42 members with more joining almost daily. The feedback has been absolutely amazing. Amazing enough to make me cry at times. There are some awesome ladies in my group who I am thankful to be able to call my friends.

I don't think a lot of local people read my blog, but if so...and you are interested in joining me in Moms RUN This Town (it is very laid back and member driven) all you need to do is REQUEST TO JOIN our Private Facebook group. That is where all of our communication, planning of events, etc. happens.

I also do a blog for potential new members to check us out and for current members to see the latest and greatest about whats going on with us. You can find that HERE.

And here we go!

I am officially running the Maple Grove 1/2 Marathon in May, and the Garry Bjorklund 1/2 Marathon in June. I am so excited!

I will be doing the Garry B. with my inspirational hubby and my awesome sister in law; her hubby is doing the full Grandma's Marathon. We had a great time last year; this year will be no different. Hopefully I can avoid the GI issues I experienced last year...UGH!

As far as the Maple Grove 1/2 marathon, I will be running that with my new friend via Moms RUN This Town, Courtenay (and I am hoping that we could get a couple more signed up for the 1/2 with us....but we'll see...) There are also several ladies from my chapter who are signed up to do the 5k. This should be an awesome, though perhaps challenging race. Lots of hills, I hear....but that's okay. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? I am mostly excited because so many members of my chapter are planning to be there, and it's SO convenient being right in my city and all - that definitely makes it nice.

Last year, when I had been stuck in my weight for several months, the thing that got me unstuck was when I began training for the Garry Bjorklund. I am hoping the same thing happens this year. As it is, I have slightly increased my mileage (running 4 or 5 miles at a time rather than 2 or 3 as I had been) and am noticing less fluctuations. I am actually hoping to hit a brand new low tomorrow when I weigh in....I'll keep you posted on that...I haven't been able to stop thinking about Girl Scout cookies this week so one slip up could send me back in the other direction, weight wise. Because seriously. There is no eating "just one" Girl Scout cookie. Nope. If I were to buy a box and open them here in my office (yes, I have boxes in my office...coworkers have been buying them)... my intentions would be to have one or two after lunch. If I am honest with myself, the reality is that the box would be empty by the end of the day. Aaah...Samoas...thin mints...shortbread...I'm not picky. I am not a cookie racist. All cookies are welcome in my tummy. Ahem...enough about that....

I am a mom, I am a runner.

Thankful

I've been stuck for months, but I'm close to getting un-stuck. I can feel it!

Contributing to that is the fact that I'm finally getting into a regular fitness routine...Monday night Zumba (and extra cardio as time allows). Wednesday night runs. And weekend work outs. Soon to include long runs for half marathon training.

I am especially excited about and thankful for my running group. I led a chapter in my previous city, growing it from 2 to 75 members (including a dozen regulars). I moved last fall, and basically started over. We're now up to over 30 members in my new group, and a lot of them are becoming regulars already. We've done a couple of breakfast meet ups and our second run is tomorrow. I've already met some amazing, inspirational women and I'm so excited about what is to come for us!

Seriously, if you are at all interested in running or want to get going but aren't sure where to start - check out a running club. There are tons of them out there catering to different people with different needs or preferences.
Mine is a free, laid back mom's running group (Moms RUN This Town). It has thousands of members and nearly 500 chapters nationwide and in Canada. There are other mom groups out there as well. All are run differently and have their perks - Just find one that works for you and join!! Don't be scared-just do it! You'll get motivation, be inspired, have fun and make great friends. I highly recommend it!

Reflection

It is hard not to get caught up how many pounds I have left to lose (7 for sure, then a re-evaluation to see how I feel). It is so easy to get frustrated by the fact that I am the same weight now, as I was in August. (That is 6 months without movement, mind you. Besides for gaining and re-losing 10 lbs between September and December). I hate looking at myself in the mirror only to be greeted by a forever-bloated midsection, coupled with some sagging skin on my lower stomach.

So I have to try and remind myself about what is important. I might have a bit of weight left to lose, and I might be completely and totally stuck. And no, my stomach is not a pleasant sight to see (YIKES). But I have put 85 lbs behind me. Better yet, I have become active and healthy. Regardless of the number on the scale - I can work out hard. I do Zumba regularly (thanks for introducing me, Danika!). I can run a half marathon and do a 5k in 27:25. And I've even become a different person in general - doing things and trying things I never would have done or tried before, simply because of my low confidence level.  THOSE are the things I should try to focus on. Why do I (and a lot of people) just focus on the negative? Why is it so hard to celebrate what we've done already or how far we have come? I don't know, but it is. I (and we) should try harder to work on that. We are amazing, whether we are 400 lbs or 100. Whether we are weight-loss success stories or starting the journey. Whether we have failed once before or 1000 times before. We are amazing!!! We have to start remembering that, because I have a feeling it would help us go farther than we even know we can go. It's all about believing in yourself.

Sweat is FAT CRYING!

You've probably heard that saying somewhere along the line. And tonight while I was on the stair climber in the gym, with sweat dripping down my face and running down my arms and back and stomach...I thought of this.

If sweat really was fat crying, then my fat must have been freaking devastated tonight. I love days like this, where I succeed in making healthy food choices all day and then get a good work out in. Can I make it two in a row? I hope so! Today certainly wasn't a "second in a row" - because last night, I had a ridiculous craving for carbs...it turned into a bit of a carb-fest. Not good.

But today, I moved on and redeemed myself!

How were your choices today?

Lord, give me strength....

My older daughter in in Kindergarten. She is a Daisy Girl Scout this year - and guess what time it is? Yes. You guessed it.

Girl Scout Cookie time.

Back in the day when I was a Daisy Girl Scout...(you know...ummm, just.... 19 years ago...ahem), we took orders on order forms, then turned them in, and the cookies came awhile later and we had to distribute and deliver them. Now, the girls have the cookies ahead of time. They can bring them with door to door and exchange money for goods on-the-spot. Speaking of money - $4 a box this year. WTF is THAT all about?! Geeez - before you know it, they will be charging a kidney or something!

Anyhow. What does this mean for me, exactly? It means that I now have dozens of boxes of cookies sitting in my house. Every single cookie seems to call my name from within. It's like a massive chorus....eating away at me with urges to eat away at THEM. Granted, the cookies are to sell. They aren't mine unless I buy them. And I am sure we will buy a couple of boxes. But we need to PLAN for it. The problem with having them around is that I could say, oh let's open a box. We'll buy it. And then, Oh, lets open another box. We'll buy it....and so on. That could be one heck of a slippery (and expensive) slope!

So I declare now, I will NOT GIVE IN TO TEMPTATION. The only cookies I will buy and eat will the what my husband and I plan ahead of time to buy. And that number will be very minimal. There will be NO spur-of-the-moment "Oh, we'll just buy one more box" crap!

So STFU, cookies. I'm NOT listening to your evil chants of deliciousness.

New found love

I.love.almond.milk! I hadn't tried it until recently, but now that I have - I wish I had sooner. Coconut milk is also very tasty, but I will focus on the almond milk for now.

I bought the Silk brand. The unsweetened variety has just 30 calories per serving! And it is delicious!! I haven't tried the unsweetened vanilla...only the unsweetened original. The unsweetened vanilla will be next on my list. I have tried the sweetened vanilla and it was too sweet for me. I mean it was good, but I prefer the unsweetened original (which is kind of odd being that I generally have a big ol' sweet tooth...but I guess not when it comes to milk)!

Anyhow. If you haven't tried almond milk - go for it. Seriously! I was actually surprised by how much I liked it.

Totally off topic...

Ok so this is completely off topic. Has nothing to do with weight loss or fitness or any of that.

But seriously...why am I NOT getting carded anymore when I buy alcohol?! I just want to get CARDED, DAMNIT! I haven't been carded in a long time. If somebody would card me, it would probably make my day. I'd probably say "Thankyou!!!!!"

Seriously, I would.

Love this pic

My husband took this pic of me, just a couple of days before Christmas, at sunrise. I was just being silly. It's one of my favorite pics of me, and it's not really even of me. I mean, it is, but it could be anybody else, just as easily.

 I just love the gorgeous sunrise, reflecting off of the ice, and then the shadow of a person "striking a pose" on the dock. Although I suppose it wouldn't have been quite so cool if the shadow had been more blob-shaped (like I was before) rather than person-shaped! Heck, I'm even wearing my winter jacket in this pic, and still don't look like a blob!

 Good job on the pic, hubby!

Thank you

I feel like I really need to say thank you.

Of course, first....thank you to my husband for putting up with me, supporting me and being proud of me. He has to gets to live with me day in and day out, so his support is a huge key to my success. He is also an inspiration, having gone through and being in the midst of his own journey. He is more amazing and means more to me than he knows!

Thank you to my kids - for being so amazing and being one of my core motivators. They are my life.

Thank you to ALL the friends and family who support me and encourage me. My close friends, far friends, acquaintances, parents, sister in law...everyone. You all rock. Thank you especially to friends who tell me I inspire them, for example Chelsea who says she lost 20 lbs thanks to my influence. That means a lot to me! Thank you also to Amberle, who I sort of started the journey with after we went to a weight watchers info session, and decided that we didn't need to pay that kind of money; we could do it on our own. And we did.

Thank you to my blog readers and Facebook followers. Another reason for my success has been that I put it all out there, for friends as well as complete strangers to read and judge. But mostly I just figured that the more people I was sort of "accountable" to, the harder it would be to let myself fail. Guess what, it worked! It also helps getting words of encouragement and reading other success stories, both of which I get much more of through having this blog and having the Facebook page.

Thank you to Moms RUN This Town. The organization as a whole, the people I have met and will meet through it, and the strangers (other chapter leaders) across the country who I probably never will meet. Many have inspired me and encouraged me. And, it's not just about running or weight loss - I went out on a limb to do something I was nervous and scared about (leading a chapter) and never looked back. It was honestly something that was TOTALLY out of character for me. Very much outside of my comfort zone...but along side with getting healthier, MRTT has helped me become more confident.

Finally, I guess I should thank my body and my mind. For being stronger than I knew either of them could or would ever be!!!!


Ok. Now that those are done with for now - back to my regularly scheduled ranting posts about the importance of being honest with yourself. And how amazing Chinese food is (damnit).

Frequently Asked Question

I often get asked "How did you get started? I don't know where to start, what should I do?"

The hardest part about getting started on a weight loss journey, actually has nothing to do with getting started. No, the hardest part (in my opinion) for myself and many others is how to be consistent and keep going once you've started.

Think about it. It's easy to eat well for one day. It's easy to go for a walk or do something somewhat active on a beautiful evening after work or on a gorgeous, sunny weekend day. But it is not always easy to eat well, consistently, for an extended period of time. It is not always easy to make exercise a part of your routine. There are several reasons why it can be hard to stay on track. Maybe you have a busy schedule and fitting in exercise is difficult. Maybe your coworkers invite you out for lunch frequently and it's often a place that has very few healthy options. Maybe you get sick, take a break from working out, then never start again.  Maybe you have been doing it for a week but have gained a pound and figure "What's the use?".  Maybe the weather has been awful. Maybe you don't have access to a gym. The reasons (and, let's face it - excuses) are endless.

"Start exercising. Eat healthier". It's been said a thousand times. But what some people don't think about is that it's a mental game, too. I've put a lot of thought into this...and you really need to have a positive, determined attitude in order to beat the road blocks (especially in the beginning) and battle the plateaus. Instead of letting yourself be overwhelemed by what is working against you - you need to make the conscious decicision to basically make lemons into lemonade. Be creative. Be determined. Make sacrifices. Prioritize. Don't let yourself give up no matter how stuck you feel. Keep in mind that even if the scale doesn't move, you are still making a difference to your body. Take it day by day.

I am very guilty of getting overly frustrated by being "stuck" on the scale. I've gained 5 or 10 lbs back and lost it again a couple of times. I've been stuck several times. I'm stuck right now. I currently weigh the same as I did 4 months ago. And I won't lie - it ticks.me.off. It's frustrating and annoying. Sometimes I just want to throw myself down on the floor, kick, and scream "It's not faaaaiiir"!!!! But instead, I just keep on, keepin on.

Even after I screw up (hello, chinese food or pizza for supper followed by a glass bottle of wine). I know that I am a hundred times healthier than I was before I started, and I won't let a bump in the road or the occasional indulgence take away from that fact.  The same holds true when you are still in the beginning stages of the journey...no matter what hurdles are being thrown your way, or what "mistakes" you make, you just gotta keep on, keepin' on. Really try to keep your attitude positive and determined - because that is how you will be able to pull through and continue the healthy changes, even after that very first day, week, month, and beyond.

So you see - it's mental.

What to Expect

Losing weight and finally get fit & healthy after a lifetime of inactivity and obesity is HARD. Right off the bat...one should prepare themselves for a rollercoaster of emotions, frustrations, success, and road blocks. If you're anything like me, you will sometimes struggle to make the healthy choice. You will struggle with keeping your portions to a healthy amount. You will feel like it is impossible that you will ever have the stamina to exercise the way you should. You will try - and it will go terribly and you will feel like a total failure.

But you're NOT a failure! All of those struggles and roadblocks can serve as some of the best motivators and learning experiences, and ultimately lead to greater success. If you just committ yourself and just keep at it, even after "failures"...you will find that you are stronger than you ever realized. And your improved health/weight/fitness level will reflect that.

Just make sure that you never set yourself up for failure by hoping that it will be easy. Because more than likely, it won't. Expect, and be willing, to work hard. To make sacrifices. To prioritize. To struggle.

Expect that it might take a long time - and be okay with that, because you know that is the healthiest and most sustainable way to do it!

And just remember - In order to change yourself, you need to challenge yourself.

The Healthy Way of Life

Check this out. My gym, Lifetime Fitness, has a blog...http://thehealthywayoflife.com.
And right now - guess who's story is featured?

Mine.

And I am SO excited. I know that reading and hearing success stories always helped give me motivation and inspiration - and I hope that I can now do the same for others. Even if it's just ONE person.

Incredible

The last couple weeks at Zumba has been a girl I can't help but notice.

She's a good 6 feet tall
Not that I'm any good at guessing, but I'd say she weighs over 350. Maybe close to 400?
She is physically unable to do some of the moves
She is surrounded by "skinny" or at least smaller by comparison, people shaking their booties.

Yet she tries. She has come twice in a row now.

She is incredible.

I'm sure she doesn't feel it. She might feel awkward and nervous and uncomfortable and self conscious. She possibly feels like people are looking down on her. Maybe she feels overwhelmed at the journey in front of her.

She is incredible, and she may not even realize it.

She has taken the first step towards better
health...even despite all sorts of factors working against her or excuses she could so easily make.

She.is.incredible.

I wish I could talk to her without coming across as creepy, annoying, pushy or crazy. I wish I could tell her how awesome she is and how great she is doing. I wish I could give her encouragement and hope. I just want to hug her and say "girl, you rock".

She is incredible. I hope she knows.
Let it be an example to all of us. You control your destiny. You choose your own choices. It's up to you to throw out the excuses and say "screw the world, I'm doing this for me and who cares what anyone thinks".

She represents so many...Obese. Overweight. 10 lbs to lose. Wanting to get fit and healthy regardless of weight. She represents it all. I may not have had as much weight to lose as she does, but she is ME. I am HER.

We should always respect and support each other. We have the same goals. The same fears. The same struggles.

We are the same.

Still strange

I still am not used to seeing myself look "normal" in photos. It is foreign to me that I finally am okay with the way my pics turn out, rather than being forever mortified at how awful I look and UNphotogenic I am. I still can find things to "pick at" about pictures of myself...who can't...but at least I dont feel disgusted and embarrassed anymore.

Commitment Day 5k!

I live in Minnesota. It gets cold in the winter. Today was one of those days...about -8 when I woke up. So what did I do? What any insane person might do. I went out and ran an organized 5k fun run, called commitment day, through my gym Lifetime Fitness. I wasn't planning it, but things just worked out that I did it, and I'm glad. It was fun! Cold, but fun. Not timed...which was fine, as it was so cold and crowded anyhow.

I'm glad to have started out 2013 with a 5k under my belt already!!

Bonus-who doesn't like race goodies (swag bags)? I got a shirt and a cool hard covered 2013 commitment day journal out of the deal. You wrote your commitment and keep track of your progress in it. I'm totally going to use it. I wrote several commitments:

-To run 500+ miles in 2013
-To run at least 3 half marathons
-To run a sub-26 minute 5k
-To eat healthy most of the time
-To get to the gym 2-4 times per week.

And the mother of all my commitments- to lose the remaining bit of my weight. I started this journey after New Years 2011. Two full years ago now. It's time to finish what I started and officially move to the next phase...which will last forever...and that is maintaining.